Satire from The Hudson Valley Vindicator

President Names Mayor Noble New Real Estate Czar

President Donald Trump on Saturday announced plans to hire Kingston Mayor Steve Noble to advise him on real estate acquisition strategies. “I thought I was tremendous at getting handouts,” he said, referring to the many tax breaks for his failing casinos and other properties. “But Noble clearly has a lot to teach me.”

He also said he was considering the mayor for a job heading his re-election campaign.  

“I give tax breaks to millionaires, and those liberals in Washington complain. But Steve Noble does it, and he gets Democratic support in his Common Council. I’m losing states that voted for me in 2016, but Noble’s gaining next door counties where he’s not even on the ballot,” said the President. “These are fine people on both sides” of the county line, he added.

He also said he was eyeing Alderman Tony Davis as a possible replacement for Education Secretary Betsy DeVos. “I’ve been asking her to privatize the nation’s schools for years. I think Davis would have our public schools on life support in no time.”