Satire from The Hudson Valley Vindicator

Fund-raising Desperately Needed for Planning’s Scan and Copy Department

Scanner malfunctions on Landmarks letter calling for pos dec

September 11, 2019

Dear Kingston Planning Department:

I am writing to offer my support in setting up a GoFundMe campaign for scanning expenses.

You have my sympathies in regards to this burden. It is SUCH a drag on productivity to have to upload public comment, much less in its entirety.

It’s COMPLETELY understandable that the second page of the Landmarks public comment letter calling for a pos dec isn’t in the record. Anyway, who wants to wade through all that?

You’ve also been stretched to your limit by studies on the proposed Kingstonian. The geotechnical report was cut off at page 15, although the report was actually 62 pages long, and it must have taken a SUPERHUMAN effort to upload the remainder, which stated that studies were inadequate on whether the former marshland could support a structure such as the Kingstonian. More borings were needed, according to the geotechnical engineer. Speaking of borings, SO BORING! Nobody wants to read about that. And wisely, you’ve barely discussed it since.

Personally, I was more interested in whether the invisible fencing near the pool might block the view of who’s been courageously tackling their cellulite issues. Visuals took up some time at the September 11 Planning Board meeting on the Kingstonian, but at least you didn’t bore us with talk about whether the building might collapse, the way the former garage almost did because there’s no bedrock.

Back to Landmarks, though. In the public comment letters uploaded in April, I was deeply impressed with how you went out of your way to publish all five pages, including the blank insert, of a local real estate agent who supports the Kingstonian, and you also published the identical statements of a couple that supports the Kingstonian, and on separate pages, too. SO MUCH WORK! We are proud of you.

But you and the photocopy machine must have been nearing exhaustion, because when it came to the Historic Landmarks Preservation Commission letter, only the first page was uploaded, so nobody would be forced to read the second page containing that recommendation for a pos dec.  (See Page 42 for first page only. See here for full original letter.)

We are SOOOOO lucky the mayor fired the resident architectural preservationist in time for a new, one-page letter. ONE PAGE! How cool is that. The new and improved commission on September 6 produced the new letter, with wording carefully managed by project attorney Kingston Assistant Corporation Counsel Daniel Gartenstein. More luck! The new letter says NOTHING about a pos dec.

But back to that first letter: It was SOOOOO selfish of Leslie Melvin to read it aloud at the April public comment meeting, taking up time with information we would never know about otherwise. Is this what they mean by Too Much Information? We would never ask you to upload the second page. That would be TOO unfair, asking you to upload the entirety of an official Landmarks Commission call for a pos dec in the public comment section.

Finally, we owe you much gratitude for shielding the unsuspecting public from neutral third-party studies on insignificant matters like parking, direct and spillover economic effects, environmental effects of eco/green vs conventional construction, and community impact. It is SUCH a timesaver when the developer, as he did on September 11, repeats promises that his green project will solve our parking problem, save local businesses, and be transformative of investor bottom lines the city of Kingston. And in what was perhaps the evening’s most profoundly stirring moment, which left renters worldwide verklempt and misty-eyed, he opened his heart and avowed his deep and unwavering support for affordable housing elsewhere.

Thank you, Planning Department, for all your good work on behalf of this development.

Sincerely,

The Hudson Valley Vindicator.