Satire from The Hudson Valley Vindicator

City Attorney Seeks Russian Social Media Expertise

April 26, 2021

Kingston City Attorney Gary Daniels announced Monday he would pursue studies in Russia on the art of perfecting multiple online identities.

“We have a problem in Kingston with citizens opposing tax redistribution to oligarchs,” said Daniels. “If a lawyer for the city was to say that under his own name, especially with litigation underway, he might be subject to censure,” he added, explaining that he had applied to the Russian Internet Research Agency, a St. Petersburg-based company whose many fake Facebook pages may have helped sway the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

A noted jazz lover, Daniels also said he was looking forward to the White Night Swing jazz festival that coincidentally is held in St. Petersburg in July, adding it might provide a chance to meet with Vladimir Putin so he could convey his admiration for the way the Russian president has handled “self proclaimed progressive community activists” such as Alexei Navalny.

Daniels dismissed any notion that the pro-oligarch dynasty in Kingston might be voted out. Asked if the common people opposed tax breaks for oligarchs because housing insecurity and hunger were on the rise, Daniels said he would suggest the oligarchs organize more past-sell-by-date pastry donations to local food pantries for oligarchy opponents. “That way, we can let them eat cake,” he said.